Monday, 10 May 2004

Sometimes life feels overwhelming like it is going to crash down on top of me. Last night I could hear the creaking of heavy objects beginning to move. It is not that I have an impossible amount of work to do, it is just that the list keeps getting bigger and I don't seem to make any headway. I woke up this morning feeling quite panicked. At these times everything seems important and it is very difficult to prioritise but as I was brushing my teeth I thought"I have a relationship with the creator of the universe. Why am I worried?"

I know this seems simplistic but it does help to keep things in perspective and though my life is important to Him there are a lot of other important things happening out there which He is holding together. My life doesn't work because of all my efforts it only works because God is gracious to me in my bumbling and fumbling.

Last night I was struggling with a big decision and was feeling swayed by what other people may think and the loyalties I feel I should have to some people in my life. A friend very wisely said that it is my life, not anyone elses. If I make decisions based on guessing how other people may or may not feel I am actually giving up my life to other people and not taking control myself. As Christians it is hard to accept that it is not loving others to just avoid change and moving on, it is just avoiding the uncomfortability I may feel. I will keep you posted about how it all goes.

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