tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-61260752024-03-14T08:33:06.981+13:00NZgirlI am a woman, wife, mother, sister, daughter, auntie, friend... living in beautiful New Zealand. This blog is an evolving record of my journey as I navigate through life. Current hot topics are motherhood, depression, christian faith, living sustainably and anything else which takes my fancy.Marionhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08828826708064275040noreply@blogger.comBlogger238125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6126075.post-66317162224178800412017-07-24T14:20:00.001+12:002017-07-24T14:20:53.746+12:00Receiver Fatigue and getting over itI have been in bed with the flu for a week. It was not the plan. We had organised a family trip back to Auckland to see family and friends, do some maintenance at our house and generally have a holiday. But the kids both had a nasty virus in the two weeks beforehand and despite my attempts to rest and avoid it, I succumbed the day before.
So I waved off hubby and the two kids and planned to Marionhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08828826708064275040noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6126075.post-8794054401074500752017-06-30T14:00:00.000+12:002017-06-30T14:00:16.379+12:00It's been a whileGosh it does get rather tedious to write these kind of posts. I haven't blogged for 18months. My last post was about trying out not working to give myself some space to get well and find the joy in life again.
Well that didn't happen...
It was a great idea but not totally financially feasible and I had a great part time job offer close to home so I decided to take it. It involved working with Marionhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08828826708064275040noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6126075.post-23874110923883707892016-01-25T18:58:00.001+13:002016-01-25T18:58:47.484+13:00A shrivelled heartI wrote the following at the beginning of 2015.
"Self preservation shrinks the good parts of life. Entering a new year and still struggling with feeling like life takes more energy than I have, self preservation seems the only option. 2014 seemed to consist of doing less and less, lots of visits to the dr, trying yo get my meds right and generally feeling frustrated. I watch other people who Marionhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08828826708064275040noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6126075.post-25121453283164437352015-11-14T21:23:00.001+13:002015-11-14T21:24:21.803+13:00It's not working any moreI haven't written a lot this year. I haven't felt that I had anything much to say. At my tender age of 36 I seem to feel more uncertain as time goes by. Things I was strident about and sure of seem to have slipped through my fingers of the last decade or so thanks to the realities of real life and the awareness that there is no one size fits all list of answers and advice. As well as uncertainty Marionhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08828826708064275040noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6126075.post-8350740119805545362015-11-08T09:44:00.001+13:002015-11-08T09:44:18.911+13:00Don't be amazingSo much of the advice for living well and being successful at life uses adjectives like "amazing", "unique", "authentic" etc. And 2 minutes on pintrest is full of lists of steps, commands and changes which will give you and "amazing" life. When you add the highlight reel of facebook profiles and magazine articles about people who achieved the extraordinary, it can create an expectation that if Marionhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08828826708064275040noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6126075.post-13853277498412273182015-03-28T21:21:00.000+13:002015-03-28T21:21:07.923+13:00Let it goOh the joys of Disney and the power of animated princesses. That little phrase will never be the same again. It was a hit at our house too. Ella loved the princesses and the music. George loved the snow but wasn't too keen on the snow monster. I liked Olaf and his dreams of summer. His blissful ignorance that the season he wished for would lead to his demise had something tragically poetic Marionhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08828826708064275040noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6126075.post-50236163572734675272015-01-21T20:47:00.001+13:002015-01-21T21:12:54.583+13:00Re-emergingThe summer holidays are always a surprise to me. With working part time as a secondary teacher and the pressure to complete all assessments, reports and end of year prize givings, plus now all the end of year events for my school age daughter, it seems I just stagger over the finish line as school ends. As I lie their gasping for breath, Christmas looms. I deliberately do no preparations for Marionhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08828826708064275040noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6126075.post-19382201281768169022014-12-09T20:49:00.000+13:002014-12-09T20:50:04.679+13:00Joy at AdventOn Sunday I had the privilege of speaking at church on the them of Joy. It was terrifying. But the process of writing what to say and thinking it all through was so good for me. I hope you find it gives you some joy or comfort in this silly and sometimes painful season.
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Do not be afraid. I bring you good
news of great joy that will be for all the people. Today inMarionhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08828826708064275040noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6126075.post-56646336967321842742014-10-03T23:29:00.001+13:002014-12-09T20:50:48.244+13:00Facts over feelingsHi world.
This year really is proving to be hard work. No big reasons for that. Except my brain still threatens to slide back into depression. My struggles with the tension between what I want to be able to be and do and reality steal my peace and joy. I dream of some greater peace. I see glimpses of it and I keep being reminded that I am enough now. However, 35 years of feeling less than is hardMarionhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08828826708064275040noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6126075.post-20823742967686313322014-08-15T15:03:00.000+12:002014-08-15T15:03:19.580+12:00ResurfacingThe suspense must be killing you! Unlikely, but after my post about struggling again with depression and increasing my dose of medication I haven't updated on how it is going. And it seems as if there has been too much happening both in the mundane of my daily life and in the massive of world events, to make space for my situation.
But busy with mundane is actually a good sign. The new dose has Marionhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08828826708064275040noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6126075.post-61890210565311897002014-08-01T10:11:00.001+12:002014-12-09T20:52:50.601+13:00Believing I can writeI was very flattered a few weeks ago when I was asked to write a piece for the Kiwi Families website. I have wanted to do more writing for a long time but have struggled with self confidence and time to actually do it. I have had so much positive feedback from people about my blog and my writing and I also love doing it. But it always falls the bottom of the list and there never seems to be Marionhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08828826708064275040noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6126075.post-66112568509912714922014-07-16T15:59:00.001+12:002014-12-09T20:52:10.537+13:00Bumping along the bottomI am sure you have heard the phrase "a bottom feeder". It is a metaphor for someone who feeds off the lowest and seediest parts of life. I am not that. But I am recognising that it is possible to be stuck at the bottom in life. Imagine a bottom feeding fish, swimming around in the almost dark and murky waters. All this fish sees is the mud a few centimeters in front of it's face. It is oblivious Marionhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08828826708064275040noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6126075.post-70062969412087288482014-05-22T21:45:00.001+12:002014-05-22T21:45:47.611+12:00Everything is awfulI have very strong feelings. I also tend to have all or nothing thought patterns and add to that a sense that i am responsible for the well being and success of humanity, i am rather vulnerable to thinking "everything is awful and it's all my fault".
If you know anything about the Myers Briggs personality types, based on the work of Carl Jung, I am an ENFJ. So I am all about how I feel and this Marionhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08828826708064275040noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6126075.post-80097496928715759262014-05-01T22:06:00.001+12:002014-05-01T22:07:14.845+12:00I miss thisSo I gave up... including writing. Not that it has been a regular thing for the last year or so but almost every, single day I think about something I want to write. But I don't. Cause I don't want my thoughts to be for the purpose of publishing first and me later.
I am a natural teacher. Before a revelation about life has even revealed itself to me I am already thinking about how I could share Marionhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08828826708064275040noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6126075.post-66206902948456394792013-12-29T20:29:00.002+13:002013-12-29T20:29:41.042+13:00Giving up in 2014I hate this time of year. The no-man's land between Christmas and New Year. It's not that I specifically hate the days. They are often lovely and full of fun and relaxation and a wonderful "nothing to do" vibe. But it also has that sense of approaching doom for me of another year beginning. Think the soundtrack of Jaws...
It has not always been this way. I am naturally a lover of all things Marionhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08828826708064275040noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6126075.post-11451452199516053962013-10-07T11:31:00.002+13:002013-10-07T11:31:51.112+13:00balance is for bikes and I am not a bikeOne term into working full time and juggling all the different parts of my life, there is a sort of an auto pilot going on in my head. I feel the need to cram in as many "to dos" into each day and even when I try to stop, my brain keeps on trucking. There have been so massive upsides to working and I do love it. But the downsides are pretty clear too. Hubby and I have spend the last few weeks Marionhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08828826708064275040noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6126075.post-77931489621495933832013-09-09T16:26:00.003+12:002013-09-09T16:26:47.785+12:00More on how to deal with depressionOne of my favourite depression blogs/advocates is the guy who Lilo's down the Waikato river. Here is his latest post all about the things he does to manage his depression.
What I really like about his approach is that he doesn't take his depression personally. He approached getting well in quite a practical way. He doesn't believe in endless navel gazing. Instead he does stuff that helps him Marionhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08828826708064275040noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6126075.post-81277269910175339782013-09-07T19:46:00.001+12:002013-09-07T19:46:38.126+12:00May! It has sure been a while...I think about blogging almost every day. And then my day happens and at the end I can barely string together a couple of grunts in the general direction of hubby so writing something meaningful and real just doesn't happen.
But I kind of left you hanging...
So relapse has passed. The magic of another 20mg of paroxitine has done its work and my head appeared above the darkness again. And off I Marionhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08828826708064275040noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6126075.post-73101963679887470012013-05-26T19:31:00.000+12:002013-05-26T19:31:06.035+12:00Bloglovin shout outFollow my blog with Bloglovin
I've just "claimed" my blog on Bloglovin. If you hadn't heard, Google Reader is going to cease to exist so if you follow a number of Blogs this site might be just the ticket.
Be back soon with more important things...Marionhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08828826708064275040noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6126075.post-65657812499579242212013-05-01T20:11:00.000+12:002013-05-01T20:11:09.347+12:00Musings on my mental illnessOkay, so the current bout of depression has me facing some facts I would rather not face.
1. I will probably struggle with depression my whole life.
I don't want this to be true and I know that there is always a chance that the perfect pill, learning to live with myself better and a miracle are all possible and that a future without depression could happen. But the present situation provides a Marionhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08828826708064275040noreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6126075.post-80340053163016547592013-04-19T15:54:00.002+12:002013-04-19T15:54:57.475+12:00Fake it till you make itMy current mental state is driving me crazy. Haha...
I wake up in the morning with the feeling of lead in my feet and cotton wool for brains. I get up and get started on feeding kids, getting dressed, showered and pop my three magic pills. After about an hour I feel overcome with the deep desire to go back to bed and hide under the covers. At the weekend, with hubby around, I could have Marionhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08828826708064275040noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6126075.post-58966447119437211012013-04-06T20:31:00.000+13:002013-04-06T20:31:06.839+13:00Irony is evilSo about two days after my last post where I so happily posted my intention to wean down my dose of antidepressants, I started feeling the gloom. I guess I had been ignoring the signs. I didn't want it to be true and I was doing my best to believe the story that with my last child born and this year just ticking over, that my hope would be fulfilled and that I could pretend that I could just get Marionhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08828826708064275040noreply@blogger.com4tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6126075.post-82594577526670543602013-03-30T20:15:00.001+13:002013-03-30T20:35:48.292+13:00Great ExpectationsAs I drove home from work on Thursday I was really aware of all the traffic heading away on holiday and I started thinking about the fact that it really hadn't dawned on me that it was the beginning of a holiday weekend. I guess it's cause we hadn't planned to go away. We were planning an at home weekend with the sole goal being to get the vege garden ready for winter. I was excited about hubby Marionhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08828826708064275040noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6126075.post-21923321142314171752013-03-30T08:04:00.002+13:002013-03-30T20:36:31.581+13:00Weaning MummyFor the first time in three and a half years, I am considering weaning myself off antidepressants. It is a pretty remarkable place to be in, to be actually feeling well enough that I would see a future where popping my two miracle pills each morning wouldn't be the pillar on which my life is held together.
I have been on paroxitine since about 3 weeks after Ella was born. It was like suddenly a Marionhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08828826708064275040noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6126075.post-49693879917173477292013-03-21T14:14:00.000+13:002013-03-30T20:36:53.575+13:00Awhi MamaI am really excited about a new blog I have started. . I have wanted to do something more to support teen mums, like those I teach. So the blog Awhi Mama is one way to do that. Please check it out if you want to know more about teen mums in New Zealand and the challenges they face. I hope the blog informs and gets more people passionate about the "issue" of teenage parents. We have the highest Marionhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08828826708064275040noreply@blogger.com0