Friday 28 January 2005

Me and my big mouth! Gosh I thought I was growing out of it. The other night I said something very unwise in front of a group of people. I meant it very innocently but it showed someone important to me in a bad light. I didn't mean it that way but I was a littlle naive on how it could have been interpreted. I hate that.

I hate that as a very talkative person the probability of me saying something stupid increases exponentially the more I say. And that worst thing about my mouth is that after you've said it you can't take it back and then the humiliation, guilt and regret sticks to you like suffocating glad wrap and I tend to go on a self-flagellation binge where I vow to always be silent when in groups and to listen more etc.

But as my husband pointed out, I am made this way and it wasn't a terrible, cosmic practical joke. So a cone of silence really isn't the answer. Maybe I need to meditate (again) on a bit of James and the power of the tongue but I think then the best thing is to get over it and get on with life. I will let you know how that goes!

Wednesday 26 January 2005

Well I am back in the real world now. My holiday is just about at an end and I have to say it has been a great one. The weather before christmas, as you well know, was less than perfect and cabin fever had set in by New Years. However there was hope. WE enjoyed 4 lovely days sailing with my parents adn then had 7 days of perfect weather, camping at Mimiwhangata, north of Whangarei. The campsite is reached by walking over a hill and so it acts as a filtering mechanism so that that the people who camp there really want to be there. There are no vehicles, composting loos and a couple of taps. But as far as I am concerned it's deluxe camping. The views are beautiful. My day went: get up (late or when the tent got too hot), make breakfast, stare at the view, read book, lunch, snooze, swim, shower under a pohutukawa, dinner, stare at the sunset, play cards and then a peaceful night's sleep. BLISS!

Now back to reality and it is amazing the perspective having a holiday can give. I have a lot more peace about teaching this year and have renewed motivation to make the most of life. SOmetimes it's best just to get on with living instead of waiting for something to change or something new to come along. Enough of habitual discontentment! My life is fab and I want to live like it!

This Christmas season the tsunami has really given me another realilty shock. Life is so fragile and there but by the the grace of God go I. Again I ask why people who were already struggling to survive have had to face such an enormous disaster? I don't want to take my wealth and security for granted and I want to live more conciously with my heart and actions, keeping those less fortunate than myself in mind in the things I do. But it is so encouraging to see the generousity of people and the courageous volunteers who have given up their time and money to help. They inspire me. And those people devastated by the disaster who are rebuilding and determined to keep surviving when I am often rocked by very minor set backs in my life.