Wednesday, 28 April 2004

I am loving seeing photos from our wedding. It makes it seem more real but I don't feel like I am looking at myself. It is almost as if I am looking at an actor who played me on the day. Life is returning to a kind of normality. In my blog yesterday I mentioned that there doesn't seem to be any 'normality' anymore.

I am realising that normality is something you may experience in your childhood but once you leave home nothing is normal ever again. things are always changing and new. I feel like often I am thinking "What would an adult do in this situation?" and then I do that because I don't feel very adult at all. My Mum told me recently that she doesn't feel old at all and feels often that she is making it up as she goes along - doing what she thinks an adult or Mum should do rather than something from within herself. I guess that is what socialisiation is all about - copying and knowing the expectations of certain roles in society.

So this raises the question - what should I be like as a wife? Now I come from a rather feminist background but anyone who knows me well will tell you I love to nest and can be a bit of a Mother Hen. My nick name at Uni was Aunty Marion. So this creates a certain conflict between wanting to avoid traditional gender roles and knowing I actually like making house, cooking and being a maternal person. This is the dilemma of a post feminist (is it?) world. I don't want to deny my own personality but I don't want to unconciously follow a model which is outdated and oppressive. So I will let you know how I get on!

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