Saturday, 5 May 2007

I think I am one of the most impatient people in the world! I am not exagerating. Once I can see that something might happen I just cannot wait for it.

For example today. We went car shopping. My husband reminded me frequently throughout the day that we probably wouldn't buy a car. But it didn't quite sink in. We went to the auctions and decided not to buy anything. We went to a heap of dealerships and decided not to buy. All the while I am congratulating myself on my wisdom and patience and how clinical and business like I am being about the whole thing. But then the wheels came off, so to speak.

We saw two cars which were exactly what we wanted, except for the price. They were double what we were prepared to pay. But the salesman thought we should still put in an offer. So we had a good look at it and went for a test drive. That was my fatal mistake. As we drove I imagined myself driving it and doing my life with this fantastic car. From then on I was a gonna. As we put the offer in it didn't even occur to me that it wouldn't be accepted, despite the mathmatical improbability of it all. So when they came back and asked if we could pay more I was so disappointed when my husband wisely stuck to the price we had agreed.

Since then I have been in the throws of irrational, impulse buying impatience. I have been trying all the possible combinations we have to be able to afford that car. The car is good, but it is more about having it, having the "problem of the car" sorted. I am someone who likes things to be secure and sorted and I find having uncertainty in my life really scary. To the point where I will make very silly decisions just so I know what is happening.

There have been a few things in my life recently which require patience and though I would like to believe I am getting more patient and trusting God to act in his time, I really want to fast forward.

Hmmm I have a funny feeling that no matter how fast life goes it will never be quite as fast as my planning nature requires and in the process I don't enjoy anything much at all. Instead of being excited about the journey of buying a car today, I just wanted to get it done. I just hope I don't have to buy a car very often in my life! It is not good for me!

And still we do not have a new car.

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