I think I am becoming co-dependent. It is one of those very "now" pop psychology terms which basically means I often feel like I am dependent on others helping me to get the stuff I need to do done. A basic example: the other night my husband was out. So I sat in front of the tele for the evening. He was rather late. I kind of just waited for him to come home and tell me it was time for bed. Sick eh!

But to put this all into perspective, I am a pretty extreme people person but need alone time and I tend to set pretty high standards for myself. So when I do relax I tend to turn into a passive blob, lethargic and unable to make even basic decisions, like that it was time to go to bed. It may sound like I am blowing this totally out of proportion but yesterday I had another wakeup call about my co-dependency issues. I am going to a Media teaching conference in October. Our accomodation and transport is paid for. A collegue from school is going also and she has lots of friends she can stay with. I don't. Therein lies the problem. The idea of staying in a hotel by myself for about 4 nights fills me with dread. I know it is irrational and to many people an opportunity to be alone is absolute bliss. But for me my first reaction is panic and intense loneliness.

I know that part of the reason I have become like this is getting married. There is always someone around now. We do the supermarket shopping, run errands, clean the house, cook etc. together so I am not by myself very much. I am determined not to lose the independence I so valued before by becoming a wimpy heap! So I will try to take responsibility for myself a bit more.

I hope this doesn't sound completely pathetic but even if it does, so there! I don't need you to like it! (supposed to be said with an independent and cheeky tone if there is such a thing!)