Over the last few weeks I have been slowly getting used to being on my own with Ella. I am so pleased to not need someone with me anymore and to feel so well now. However, it often seems as mothering and parenting in general is such a complicated business. I have been forced to keep it simple because of my mental health. I haven't managed to do anything except the basics and when people have suggested things such as expressing a bottle, it seemed like too much a of a challenge to me. Now I am feeling more and more grateful for the simplicity I have been forced into.
When I was still very unwell and was trying to have a day alone I ended up at a friend's house for the day as I just needed some company. She has a new baby too and continued pottering about her home as I stayed on the couch with Ella. For that day my world was that couch. I fed Ella, changed her on the floor in front of me and then she slept on me. It was an amazing relief and joy to discover that Ella was totally content and that all she needed was right there on the couch. I found it so peaceful and relaxing because no longer was I thinking about putting her to bed, doing housework, or anything else. IT was the best therapy I had while I was struggling with deep depression. It showed me how simple mothering could be and that I was able to be a wonderful mother.
If I had any advice for new mothers is to spend a couple of days just being with their baby so that they can discover how little their baby needs to be happy and thrive.
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