Monday, 14 September 2009


I am slowly returning to the world after a rather shocking start to motherhood. Ella's birth definitely did not go as planned and ended in a C-section. Anyone who thinks that is the easy option is misinformed. Being on strong pain relief and not being able to move around is such a hard way to start out. By about 3 weeks after Ella's arrival it was pretty clear I was not my usual self and was diagnosed with post-natal depression. I ahve struggled with depression and anxiety in the past but this was like being hijacked. It was so physical and my usual coping techniques did nothing. The local mental health crisis team got involved and with the wonderful support of family, friends, professionals and drugs I am doing so much better and feeling myself again. A month ago I would not have believed I could ever get better but each week I have made so much progress and now am absolutely loving motherhood.

Accepting what has happened is tough though but in hindsight I was such a prime candidate for PND. Learning to see myself in this new identity as a Mum but also as someone with a mental illness is quite a journey. It reminds me of how much I want to feel like I have it all together and how easily things can fall apart. I am so much more appreciative of the simple things and so much less interested in always striving for more in my life. At present I would be satisfied with quality time with my bubs, hubby and family and friends, enjoying nature and the simple things in life.

As spring arrives I feel for the first time in years that I am contented with my life and instead of wanting to fast forward I want to put my life on pause and savour every precious moment with my little girl and our little family.

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